I was recently inspired by a fellow bloggers work of art, entitled Top Ten Responses I Wish I Had The Guts To Say. (You should check her out.) The point is simple. Sometimes we can't, or even shouldn't, say whats on our minds, but maybe people should be aware of how, what seems harmless or even helpful to some, can be quite devastating to hear amidst daily turmoil in the life of raising a special needs child. Look, I know most people MEAN well, but honestly, that doesn't change how hurtful these comments can be.
Let's begin shall we?
- "But he looks normal."
Well, I'm sorry he isn't as destitute as you'd expect to see, or the worst case scenario in terms of "looks". Why don't you come back when he is telling us his "mean voice" is telling him to kill you, to reassure you of his illness.
- "My dog had seizures."
Really? Please!! Do tell me of all your dogs health conditions so I can take notes and be sure to use your delightful tips for my CHILDRENS condition.
- "_____ diet/ avoiding ____/ ___ style parenting can help with behavior/ seizures/ depression/ ADD."
I am aware of that. Thank you for offering to pay for and cook these foods and supply these supplements that we cannot afford. (Yes... we have TRIED)
P.S. NO style of parenting will stop bi-polar and schizophrenia.
- "He just needs a good spanking."
You know what? You are absolutely right! Next time he runs into traffic wanting to die, I will be sure and spank that shit right out of him! GAH! I have been doing it wrong all this time!
- "You wouldn't want to be me. You would run back screaming to your own family being thankful for what you have."
On top of homeschooling 6 kids, living under the poverty level, a husband who works all the time to get us off of welfare despite his own pain and dysfunctions...
I deal with my 7 year old, who has been suicidal and homicidal since he was 4, we have 3 epileptic children (yes... even the big scary seizures), 3 of my kids and I have PAINFUL arthritis which can cause them to scream for hours on end (including during mommy's sleepy-time hours) because of the pain, we have a son who screams many times daily about the intricate details of how he hates his brother or details in which how he is going to kill him and watch him die, dealing with my own PTSD and unreal FEAR in my day to day living...
You are right. I WOULDN'T want to be you. Because I would NEVER make ANYONE feel as if their problems were ANY less than mine. Because they are NOT. And you better be careful who you say that to, unless you want that finger pointed right back at you. There is ALWAYS someone who is struggling more than we are.
But most importantly, DESPITE our own personal trials we truly are HAPPY and I LOVE my life!
P.S. I am ALREADY thankful for what I have, but you as a complete stranger wouldn't know that about me. Oh that's right. you wouldn't know ANY of this about me! HA! How about we start over and you don't make a complete ass of yourself?
That last response might be a bit long winded, but if they stuck around long enough to hear my long ass response, maybe they would change their tune. Not because my problems are bigger, (because there isn't a "problem measurer" in this life) but because MAYBE they would learn that's a lame ass thing to say to someone.
P.S. If you ever see a kid acting out, don't judge them and assume.
Likewise, if you see what seems to be a "normal kid" but you happen to know of their "issues" don't assume that little glimmer you get is what real life is like with them.
This addresses those of you who also make BIG batches of laundry soap like I do. Do you have troubles finding something long enough to stir your soap up in your 5 gallon bucket? Well we can't afford to buy anything and don't have room for something JUST to stir laundry soap when I have to make it (which is only quarterly), so I use the handle end of the broom! :-)
Super long, skinny and light and I can remain standing in Homo Erectus fashion instead of getting that "Old Granny Hump" us gals like to try and avoid.
- We are a Bible beating, Christ following, homechurching, UNschooling, home birthing, holistic healing, co-sleeping, attachment parenting, non circumsizing, non vaccinating family of 8!